


Desire

by sagaluthien



Series: Sheila [2]
Category: Original Work
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-02
Updated: 2012-03-02
Packaged: 2017-11-01 00:21:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/349930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sagaluthien/pseuds/sagaluthien
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Robert Carter can't get the Sheila out of his head and it wakes something he have missed for sometime.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Desire

Last month was one of the worst I’ve had since I came back to life. 

At the same time, it has brought in something new. More than I can say I’ve experience of the last two years, which have been a living hell.

After the tragedy happened, I was defeated totally. I never expected to feel anything for a woman again. I was certain my feelings were blocked forever. Like an invisible force field. 

Evelyne and I had been in the city for some last minute shopping for the wedding when it happened. After we announced the engagement, the threats and letters increased. We thought we were safe with our security people. But somewhere it had failed. 

We thought we’d put out a good smoke screen about the wedding date, didn’t expect anything to happen for another month. 

How wrong I was? 

One mistake. One tiny little miscalculation led to the biggest loss of my life. Evelyne was killed. Everything stopped. 

Stopped until now. 

But when I saw this very good-looking sheila, the knot started tied up the slumbering feelings. I might be able to feel some love. 

I met her just once at a restaurant and she was a mystery, that I wanted to solve. _Why had I been attracted to her?_ In the short time I had seen and talked to her, it made me believe something was healing. 

I haven’t been able to get her out of my head. It affected my concentration. I knew I’d been a pain in the ass to the director, both for what I’d been through, and the way I was acting now. Several times I had screwed up shoots when my thoughts had flown away.

Just the day after I met her, I went back to the restaurant and hoped to see her there. I took an extra long lunch so I wouldn’t miss her, but she never appeared. I went back there each day that week with no luck. 

When I saw the waitress who had worked there that day I asked her if she knew anything about a sheila I’d met there a few days earlier.

“What does she look like, Mr…?”

“Carter. She has shoulder length brown-red hair, she wore a white t-shirt, a red flannel shirt and a pair of jeans, very pretty and she’s blind.”

“I think I remember her, but I’m sorry, Mr. Carter, I haven’t worked here more than a week and I haven’t seen her since that day. I can ask my co-workers if they know her.” 

After a few minutes she had came back with a negative answer.

When it turned out the sheila wasn’t a regular at that restaurant, I started to visit the others in the area. I really hoped she lived somewhere nearby. Maybe if she did I might get lucky, might meet her again.

It became an obsession for me to find her. It wasn’t only in the daytime that she was in my thoughts, she’d appeared in my dreams. There was one dream in particular. A nightmare. But now the dream had shifted character. Something had changed, but I couldn’t remember what.

I tried to remember, but it stayed in the fog for me. It was more that the feeling from the dream wasn’t so scary or terrifying anymore. I even think that I was less soaked in sweat when I woke up. 

Since I had witnessed Evelyne’s death, I relived that moment every night. It had lowered me like a cannonball from an old ship. For the first year, I wanted to stay at the bottom and never get up to the surface. I was afraid of everyone and everything.

I thought my life was over. I hadn’t wanted to live without her. It happened just a week before our wedding. It didn’t get any better for me, because every time I closed my eyes I relived the fateful moment. It was a real terror.

Gradually, my family and friends succeeded in bringing me back. With the help of a psychologist, I managed to begin putting my life back together. The nightmares grew shorter, and everything wasn’t so terrifying any more. 

Work seemed to go well, and the press allowed me the time and space I needed. I felt if this film would turn out good and bring my star up again. Then I would know that I hadn’t lost my ability to act, that I actually have something left to give.

The sheila gave me some sort of peace. She seemed the kind of person I needed to help me take the last steps. It gave me the desire, to cut the remaining links with my past. The ones that I was still clinging to.

Although it seemed to me that I would only be able to accomplish all of this if I had her by my side. I wanted to feel the warmth of her body. Feel her long, soft hands caressing mine. Smell her scent and be seduced by her velvet voice.

During the last year, when I’d let myself to go out in public again, I’d met all types of women of different colours, size, shapes and nationalities - but none of them could touch that part of me like that mystery woman did. The sheila was the first who’d managed to give me the big shiver. She woke up the animal instinct in me, it was like unwritten order was calling me, the same order that every human being had heard since the beginning of civilization: The desire to multiply.

Because I couldn’t get her out of my thoughts I was searching for her whenever I had the chance. Now I was determined: it suddenly seemed as clear as water to me: I had to find her. I didn’t even care if I found her, and she turned me down, at least I’d know, there’s nothing worse in life than not knowing. For the past two years, I had wondered day and night how it would have been, if my beloved was still here by my side, what Evelyne’s children that I’ll never have with her would look like.

I had to do it. At least I’d know I’d done all I could, after all what did I have to lose? I was still chained to that ball keeping me at the bottom of the sea but I was willing for once since the tragedy, to swim back to the surface. Even if I lost some of my desire for the sheila, finding her would at least give me peace.

**Author's Note:**

> Next story is The Nightmare


End file.
